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What Your Therapist is Really Thinking


Ever wonder what your therapist is really thinking while they are nodding their heads, asking questions, and listening intently? For some reason whenever I tell people that I'm a therapist, they have questions. Lots of questions. Hey-therapy is interesting!

So I went ahead and asked around my social circle to gain insight into the questions that people have about therapy, and more specifically, to clarify what really goes on inside the mind of a therapist.

Here are the questions and my answers:

1) Are you silently judging people in your head?

-I think this is definitely the question I get the most from family and friends. The truth is.....not exactly. Do I think that people sometimes make stupid decisions? Absolutely. Do I think that people need to change? Of course, that's why I'm a therapist. But am I actually judging others on what they are saying in session? 99% of the time, no. I work hard on marketing myself to attract people that I enjoy working with, and I also get a lot of my clients as referrals from other people I have already seen and worked well with. So most of the time I enjoy my clients, like them, and root for them. With this said, judgment isn't really a part of the picture. Having a good therapist-client relationship requires a lot of trust and empathy, so I am always genuinely interested in what people are bringing to me in session and I am always searching for the right questions that will lead them to have more insight and clarity. Also, who am I to judge? That's not what I'm there for.

2) Do you ever have an agenda/push people towards a solution?

-No. I don't ever have an agenda at the beginning of therapy. Every person, couple or family comes to me with their own concerns, and we work together in the first few sessions to turn those concerns into goals for therapy. It's my job as the therapist to make sure that we are always working towards goals in some way or another to keep therapy on track and to make sure we are working towards some sort of end goal. If a couple comes in and wants to work on their marriage, then that is the main goal. If a couple wants to work on ending their relationships and work on moving on, then that is the goal. We always explore options and I may challenge or play devils-advocate, but that is just to ensure that people have explored all of their feelings and options.

3) What if you need to give someone advice that goes against your personal beliefs or morals, would you still do it?

-Giving advice i